Do you ever wonder how we Unconsciously Sabotage Our Relationships at Work and/or your Children?
I have been worked for families mostly with under 5’s for over 25 years and seen how they and many highly successful entrepreneurs misinterpret their child or clients needs; and this vastly impacts the results we have each day.
Today I read about a father who had lost his only daughter aged two, in a freak accident. He and his wife 2 years later decided to have another child and they had a boy. He is healthy, happy and well loved; however reading between the lines, this father is consumed with grief and the lost of his daughter and the fact that his son will never meet his sister.
I know how hard this is to deal with because I lost both my parents by age 30. In between these deaths, I had also had to assist a family who lost a 3 year old girl who tragically died. I took her to hospital and her head injury was so bad, that she died the following day, which is similar to this other child.
For a long time I blamed myself. I actually had a strong feeling something was going to happen days and weeks before. I blamed myself for something when I was not even in the house or in charge of the child at the time of the accident! Crazy. It was hard for everyone but I had to stay busy.
I threw myself into looking after the two younger children and helping the parents come to terms with the grief and shock they were experiencing. They were a very kind, generous family who treated me exceptionally well. I loved their children and replayed those ‘what if’ moments in my mind, but nothing could bring Sarah back.
One of the worst things we had to deal with was the stress and further grief caused by the press. The way they portrayed the family and the circumstances, the fact they had a nanny etc. What these reporters didn’t understand was, the fact that no matter how much help or or success you have, no amount of money can replace a child or buy you eternal happiness.
Once you work through the grief and irrational thoughts, your mind does start to clear. Your worry and fear dissipates and you can start to find joy in the work you do again. You can relax with your children and allow them to help you heal. Looking at your client or child and putting your fears and worries on to them, is unconsciously going to stop them from doing what you want them to do.
Children as well as your clients will pick up on how you are feeling, even if you have a young baby. I have seen this time and time again. It can be reflected in their sleep, behaviour and eating habits and all because you are not even aware of how you are influencing them.
You don’t need to lose a child to appreciate them more, however if you learn what you are unconsciously doing to your client or child, you can make changes and stop those bad habits and put an end to those sleepless nights. Once you lose the fear you can start being a relaxed, thoughtful parent and build a successful career without it being a struggle.
Loss, death or divorce takes time to recover from but if we focus on what we want and already have, we’ll feel an awful lot happier, than if we continue to focus or feel angry about what we don’t have.
We all have choices in life and can make our lives as good as can be, if we learn to live with the setbacks. These can make us stronger if we allow the past to be put to bed, not forgotten, but put to bed.
Family relationships are my speciality and how to avoid sleepless nights. Let’s have a chat (in confidence) email juliet@sanitynanny.com if you need support with anything that has affected you, so you can bounce back and be the parent, business owner or professional you want to be, without facing endless struggle each day.
